where's the love...

every now and then i like to kick brad wise's assets in golf. today, it was particularly easy. bshawise.blogspot.com came into blogging a little late. but, when it came to constructing his "cute" blog one link was missing... mine. so, this is a little test to see if the social networking of the "google machine" can truly make things happen.

here's what i want. i want to be added as a link to wise's blog... but, not only him. i won't rest until i get a little love from sean michael murphy (i know, a middle name in common usage. must be a serial killer... wouldn't surprise me), wise and joe boyd (man of the people).

you would thing that after riding together in an RV (recreational vehicle) for four days i would get a little linkage. (except for sean, he has a natural gas issue and "unable to attend").

so, here is to a little love.

milthaler

reagan's first blog

reagan wanted to post his first blog... so here it goes...

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reagan

(he typed his name by himself too... seriously, he's smart.)

two over!

four stitches...

we had a very memorable memorial day. early in the afternoon we decided to go to ikea to get some new stuff for my new home office. we stopped by bw3 for some lunch when it happened... somehow (and believe me, we've tried to figure it out) reagan flipped his chair over and had a cut under his chin.  

we went to the new atrium medical center to see an er doctor... and 3 hours later were told that the little guy had to get stitches.

thanks to rugby and other sports... not to mention the rusty nail incident i've had a couple in my day.  but, it was absolutely horrible to have to hold him down while the doctor stitched him up.  i thought for sure that he was no longer going to love me ever again.  he cried like i have never heard a kid cry before.  it was by far the most painful thing I'VE ever been through.  when it was through he was a sweaty rag doll and just wanted to be held... by mommy, go figure.

i actually thought... maybe we should just keep the gash open... anything but this.  truth is, an infected wound would be more painful in the long run.  it was the hard thing... and it had to be done (insert the obvious life lesson here).

now for getting the bandaid off... maybe it will just fall off...

milthaler

MSSR... Student Feedback

During the MSSR retreat I gave students a chance to express to me the things they would want me to tell thier parents concerning the issue of sexuality. The feedback that I got was very intersting and as promised I'm putting together a two part blog about the issues they bring up. This is an effort for you to continue the conversations that were started at the MSSR and help you, as parents get a clearer picture of what middle school students are thinking.

In quotes below are some of the things students wrote:

"They don't think we know anything, but we really know too much."

"I would much rather hear good information from my parents about sex than the distorted information I get from my friends"
"I don't want to talk about sex withe them because it makes me feel weird (and uncomfortable)."

"Don't force communication, don't make me talk about it."

"I know WAY more than you realize."

"Communication is great, but not right after school, more towards bed time is better."

"Don't ask specifics. I will tell you what I want to. Don't ruin it. I am being vulnerable and open with you."

"We know a lot more than you think we do."

"You don't need to be careful when talking about sex, just be honest and open."

"I wish you would have told me about sex before my friend did."

"Don't treat me like a kid when you talk about it... talk like an adult."

I was totally suprised by the responses that this exercise generated. A big fact that comes up every year is the tension that students feel when It comes to talking to thier parents about sex.

Let's face it... it's uncomfortable for each party involved. But, we talk to our kids about the pressures to lie, steal and how to behave in general. We must also be willing to have conversations about sex so that they can understand our expectations for them.

Think about this... you can discipline your students for lying, stealing, cheating or most other misbehaviors. Most times we teach our kids what is acceptable by punishing unacceptable behaviors. If you are punishing your student for unacceptable sexual behaviors it's too late!

Middle school students are smarter than any other generation that came in front of them. They know more than ever before... and they know that they are smarter. Because of the internet they have access to more information than you and I had at thier age. But, just because they know information doesn't mean they know how to process it or put it in context.  

From my experience students respond far better to conversations about sex when I talk to them in an adult way.  This doesn't mean that I am crude in the terms I use or assume that they already know everything.  But rather, with an attitude that understands that they already have opinions about sex.  You may find much more success in communicating with your child about sex if you approach it from a conversational perspective and not a lecture.

Many times this conversation can be helped by asking questions that take a third person perspective instead of a first person perspective.  For instance, what do your friends think of a particular issue?  What seems to be the overall opinion at your school?  Do you tend to agree or disagree with your friends about this particular issue?

The "sex talk" is not just a one time thing.  What is appropriate to tell a fifth grader is very different than the conversation that happens with an eighth grader. As your student matures they will need to get more and different questions answered.

Let's get the conversation going... feel free to comment on this posting and I'll keep checking back to see what you say.  Also, helpful and practical suggestions for getting conversations going with your kids are welcome.

milthaler

our last daddy baby day...

around our house mondays are "daddy baby days". since hope is a teacher and (on a normal week) i'm off on mondays... reagan is my responsibility. early on DBDs were spent doing work while reagan slept in his infant swing. but, they evolved into weekly outings to do what boys do.

we start almost all of them at bob evan's, although reagan has great affection for mcdonald's. a few months ago i taught him about formal contracts as we negotiated an agreement that permits us to alternate between bob evan's and mcdonald's.

about a year ago we went fishing at caesar's creek. i've never caught a fish there and told god i would do whatever he wanted as long as he helped me be a hero to my son by catching a fish. we caught two!

a few weeks ago we went to hit golf balls at the local course... he saw a real golf bag with real clubs and no longer wanted to settle for his plastic set. needless to say he got them for his birthday last week.

well, today was our last outing. school is out next week and hope will now be home on mondays. our second child is due on the twelfth of next month... so, it's the closing of a chapter. i was a little emotional today and teared up a couple of times. sure, when the baby gets here and fall rolls around we will do daddy, reagan, baby day. we will still do what boys do. but, things will be different. still filled with joy and excitement... just different.

we went to the children's museum in dayton and had what could only be described as the best DBD ever. i was amazed that the little baby that we brought home for the hospital was able to climb the rope ladder to the biggest slide there. he's now three... and as he would say... a big boy.

i like hanging out with reagan. he's a cool kid. besides having the vocabulary of a high school freshman he loves to pretend and has a playful imagination. he loves to sing and reminds me in the simple songs that he learns to trust god and be kind. he loves to wrestle and be tickled. i love it when he has a deep belly laugh. he says thank you without being prompted (most of the time). he loves to be outside and is always willing to use his toys to help with the yard work.

this afternoon we took a walk to treehouse that overlooks a nature reserve at the museum. i explained to him that after today our daddy baby days will change a little and how exciting it will be to have harrison be a part of our adventures. i also told him that if i could pick any little boy... of all the little boys in the world... i would pick him. he liked that. and, dutifully to listen to the rest of my speech. you can't beat that.

wednesday's reading...

today i fulfilled an obligation that i wasn't really looking forward to. i was asked a few months ago to speak to high school freshman at kings high school (where my wife teaches). i was scheduled to give it on the "12 steps of intimacy" but i really wasn't into it. i first of all didn't want to embarrass my wife by sucking... and high school kids scare me. this morning, i went to spend time with my fuel... and then it hit me.

wednesday's reading was about how we need to pray with other believers, because when we agree on something... god will act. so, this morning i texted some of my friends and people from *678* and asked them to pray for me. i didn't know that i could only text 10 people at a time or i would have texted everyone... but, i thought, "hey, i need to put this fuel stuff to work... not just read it".

today was an awesome day... i felt encouraged as people texted me back telling me that they were covering me in payer. i had a new outlook on the day and was able connect with students with a much better attitude. i do feel much more comfortable with middle school students but i had fun today.

so... here's to putting what we hear from god to work!

milthaler

so what do you think of the new "fuel"

here is a link to this week's fuel

i am hoping to get some feedback from students letting me know what they think of the new fuel devotional. here is a little back story on how fuel began. it actually didn't start at the vineyard but rather at a church i worked at before coming here, ginghamsburg church in tipp city, ohio.

the executive pastor there sue nilson had the vision of everyone being on the "same page" buy doing the same devotions everyday. this effort was called the transformation journal (and is now available through abingdon press). i wanted middle school student to be doing something with the same goal... and fuel was born.

here is what i know... students who spend time with god on a consistent, and weekly basis will be transformed by it. among my highest goals is for students to develop this important life-long discipline.

so for today's reading... i'm pasting it in from biblegateway.com:

Luke 18

The Story of the Persistent Widow
Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!'

"He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'"

Then the Master said, "Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won't step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won't he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?"

OBSERVATIONS:
-this is why i love the message version of the bible. there is much debate on wether or not it's a legitimate version of the bible but i think i've read this passage several times throughout my life... but the message helps me see it from a fresh perspective.

-the judge doesn't care for his people and is basically unfair. my wife is one who always seeks justice. i think i lean much more to the grace side, but i can imagine this "old widow" is very much like my wife is when she feels she's been wronged. (not that i'm saying my wife is like and old cranky widow... just i think i can envision it... he he.

-you know what they say, the "squeaky wheel gets the grease". this woman's case was finally heard and delt with because of her persistence.

-jesus does this a lot in his stories (or parables), flips the 'care' factor. remember the judge is unfair and corrupt, not caring for his people... then jesus flips it. if this jerk responds to persistence... how much more will god.

APPLICATION:
-i think the only thing i am super consistent about praying for is my wife and my son (or sons as is the case now :) there are friends that i have that are far from god but i wouldn't say that i'm consistent when it comes to praying for them. as believers, when we want god to act... we need to keep knocking on the door.